Sunday, December 16, 2012

AW#53 - Countdown to Oblivion

This is an entry for AW#53 which is a special edition highlighting the end of everything. Please be aware that everything in this article is fictitious, unless it turns out to be true, then it is prophetic.

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December 16th, 2012. News reports are striking fast and furious. Hollywood has made a fortune capitulating on the end of days with such movies as End of Days, Armageddon, 2012, Deep Impact, The Day After Tomorrow, The Core and other seemingly hopeful looks into out future. But the time has come and it appears that those movies were more opportunistic than reality appears to be.Giving credit where credit is due, the Mayans score another point. Mayans 2 Earth 1.

     Armageddon (the actual one, not the movie) is scheduled to arrive in 5 days at Noon EST, Friday (December 21st, 2012) judging by the look of the skies it may arrive a little early. Weather reports are calling for fire and brimstone based from a rouge series of asteroids (the actual one, not the video game) previously undetected. The asteroids are made up of a rare form of plutonium, not before known to exist in the asteroid belt. Tracking the trajectory of the asteroids back they appears to have been knocked out of the asteroid belt by a serious of collisions instigated by a gravitomic shift of Jupiter's orbit precipitated by the Shoemaker Levy comet impact back in 1994. Previous reports did not detect any impending apocalypse. The gravitomic shifts caused the asteroids to start bouncing around the asteroid belt like a giant game of pinball, resulting in several smaller and a few larger asteroids being ejected into Earth's orbit. 

    Fortunately, the resulting impact of the asteroids into the surface of the Earth will only effect one side of the Earth, the western hemisphere. Unfortunately the plutonium is expected to create a nuclear explosion large enough to impact the furthest regions of the Eastern Hemisphere within 12 hours of impact. The intense heat from the combination of the impacts and nuclear explosions is expected to cause a fissure along the center of the Earth forcing the Earth to fracture, much like a head of lettuce slammed into a table. Unlike a head of lettuce, this is not likely to be palatable to most residence of the Earth.

    There is one beacon of hope though. It appears in 90% of all predictions the resulting meltdown of the Earth will leave the Christmas Islands untouched. It is unknown the exact reason for this miracle but all flights to the Christmas Islands have been booked at this time.

    I would wish everyone a Merry Christmas but the point has become rather moot. 

UPDATE: Further models have indicated that although the Christmas Islands will survive the initial impact, it turns out that they will eventually succumb to the apocalyptic events, ironically enough, on Christmas Day, December 25th, 2012. Reports of this update has caused an increase in flights being booked to the Easter Islands in hopes a similar string of events will give them a few months longer to live.
   Booked flights are also on the rise for the Intercourse Islands. It is unknown why.